


nameless (exit left)

by violetholdsme



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Awkward Crush, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Theater - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28430325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetholdsme/pseuds/violetholdsme
Summary: Shinwon and Hyunggu live on opposite sides of the spotlight, and find out what happens when they dare to cross the line.
Relationships: Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Ko Shinwon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	nameless (exit left)

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: "words you said that made me feel like shit," requested by marcie hello ily <3
> 
> this ... did not turn out how i wanted it to. still i hope it's decent enough, i'm posting it because well it's 2k words of wonki that i don't have the energy to rewrite anymore, i'm sorry T-T

“Line!”

Shinwon suddenly jumped awake in surprise at the loud, _extremely_ frustrated voice coming from the actor onstage. It was only 4 AM, and no amount of coffee could have prepared Shinwon for the long, _boring_ extra hours he had been spending in the theater for what was probably the past two weeks now.

Shinwon tried to tell himself he didn’t mind; he was a mere production assistant (and occasional _personal_ assistant to all the other staff because of how much of a pushover he was), and he needed the extra money. He knew he wasn’t at all cut out for the spotlight, no matter how much he thought he wanted it before. Anyway, he was good at his job, and it wasn’t so bad minus the yelling and the lack of sleep, which would hopefully only last a few more nights, anyway. 

The actor currently monologuing was Kang Hyunggu, stage name _Kino,_ who had decided a couple of weeks ago that until opening night, he would start coming in earlier than the rest of the cast to practice lines and work on his chemistry with his co-star. Of course, Hyunggu needed to take some staff down with him for this endeavor, and Shinwon was _oh so kind_ enough to volunteer himself to do production, even lights, all that jazz. Only four other members of the crew were there with him, and he felt like they were all slowly going insane. He watched the co-director who walked up to show Hyunggu the line he had forgotten, wondering how the enthusiasm on her face never faltered even at this unholy hour of the not-even-morning. Shinwon stifled a yawn, trying so desperately to keep up while he still could.

Shinwon was jolted awake again when he heard Hyunggu whine exasperatedly with a pout on his face, and it almost made him laugh.

“I told Hongseok-hyung _4_! We’ll never get to perfect these lines if he never shows up on time,” Hyunggu exclaimed with an exaggerated lilt to his voice, crossing his arms. “Hmph. What a diva.”

Shinwon snorted a little, amused at how the actor said it as if he wasn’t just as much of a diva himself. But anyway, it was entertaining, and Shinwon might have even admitted in his sleepy state that Hyunggu’s laugh and his childish pouting brought a bit of color into Shinwon’s boring, meaningless life. 

“Alright, can one of you just stand in for now? I _really_ need to practice Scene 42. Front porch, the confrontation part. Please?”

Shinwon barely even registered what was said. He was tuning everything out until he actually had to _work_ a scene, for all he cared. That was all he ever did, anyway, it was all he ever probably _would_ do, and part of him was hoping that opening night could come so he could move on to another shitty play with another overused plot and do it over and over again until one of them was finally bad enough to actually kill him.

“Hey, lights guy… or is it set designer guy? Sorry,” Hyunggu’s voice echoed around the small space, “could you come here and stand in for Hongseok-hyung until he arrives? You can just read off the script, no worries.”

It took a beat of silence before Shinwon realized that Hyunggu was addressing _him_ , and he was suddenly aware of five pairs of eyes staring him down like he had suddenly grown scales on his ridiculous shoulders. He backtracked in his mind, trying to play back some of the words he missedー _lights guy, set designer guy, stand in_ ーand then he was getting up out of his chair, nearly knocking over the mic stand beside him, before shuffling over quietly to the stage. He took the stairs up shyly, keeping his head down, accepting the hefty pages of the play’s script when it was handed to him to read off of. He didn’t expect Hyunggu to start right away, but he had enough time to prepare himself as the actor went into his character’s monologue and indulged himself fully in the scene, just as Shinwon had observed so many times before.

 _“Do you wanna know_ why _we act like everything you do is meaningless, hyung?”_ Hyunggu said it with anger in his eyes. _“That’s because it is.”_

Shinwon gulped as Hyunggu continued speaking, the resentment coming off of him in waves. Shinwon didn’t like the premise of the play very much, which was why he never bothered to listen intently to any of the lines anyway, but he couldn’t deny that the tenacity and passion in Kang Hyunggu’s every movement and word made him a _goddamn_ amazing actor. He played the role of Hongseok’s younger brother, and their confrontation was supposedly one of the key scenes of the entire story. No matter how cliche, Shinwon still admired the passion that came off of Hyunggu’s lips with every line, like it was fresh every time instead of practiced and memorized. He simply let Hyunggu continue on, helpless to the way he commanded the stage.

_“Our parents gave you everything, and you wasted it. For what? For love? Give me a fucking break.”_

Shinwon followed along quickly, searching on the script for Hongseok’s lines despite being mesmerized by Hyunggu’s intensity.

 _“I’ve done my best my whole life. How can you tell me it’s meaningless, when all I’ve ever tried to do is make them proud, make_ you _proud_ ー”

_“If this is what you call trying, then our parents were right. Everyone was right. There’s nothing special about you. There never was.”_

Shinwon paused for a moment. He told himself it was for dramatic effect, that it had everything to do with the way Hyunggu locked their eyes and he couldn’t look down for the next line, and nothing to do with how Hyunggu had called him _lights guy, or set design guy?_ or the fact that every time Shinwon found himself in close proximity with the actor, he suddenly felt nameless. Meaningless. Like there was nothing special about him, and never was.

Shinwon gulped, but he willed himself to continue. 

_“I’m sorry I fell short, but all I want is_ ー”

 _“It doesn’t matter what you want!”_ Hyunggu yelled. _“I looked up to you, and all you ever fucking did was disappoint me and disappoint our family, and every single fucking time you told me you would be better, it was a lie!”_

Shinwon could see from the pain in Hyunggu’s expression that he was getting into it. Shinwon really didn’t know how much longer this could go on; he barely only realized how much life it was draining from his already tired eyes. He looked down at his script again, realizing a corner of the page was getting crumpled in his hold, and he relaxed his hold as best he could.

 _“I know that I was never enough. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry_ ー”

“ _Shut up,”_ Hyunggu said, rolling his eyes. “God, you are so fucking weak.”

Shinwon looked up at him with hurt in his eyes, surprised to hear those words. He knew they weren’t on the script, and he realized belatedly that Hyunggu was probably improvising. Still, he couldn’t help the tears that finally fell down his cheek, and he could only hope Hyunggu was thinking that the nameless _lights guy_ also happened to be a really good actor. Like, a _really_ good one.

“Do you have nothing else to say?” Hyunggu questioned, still improvising, staring Shinwon down despite the stark difference in height. 

Shinwon fumbled to find the next line despite his vision going blurry with more tears, but Hyunggu cut him off before he could even stutter out the first word.

“Uhー _I’m_ ー”

“Fucking _say_ something!” 

Hyunggu was angry. And despite every rational assertion in Shinwon’s head, every voice that told him _this is just a goddamn play, idiot,_ Shinwon couldn’t shake the feeling that Hyunggu was angry with _him_. Shinwon was a little hurt that Hyunggu had taken it that far, even if he knew none of it was real, and it pissed him off even more that that alone made him weak just like Hyunggu had said. Because through and through, he _believed_ everything that Hyunggu had said. And he really had no one to blame it on but himself.

“I’m sorry, Hyunggu,” Shinwon moved closer to the actor, tears streaming down his face, placing the script in Hyunggu’s hands as the shorter man’s expression faltered into one of confusion. “I can’t do this.”

Shinwon only said it softly enough for both of them to hear, before exiting at the left side of the stage and wiping away his tears with shame and guilt and feeling worse than he had in a long fucking time.

***

Hyunggu looked at the remaining staff questioningly as Shinwon walked away from the stage in tears. Truthfully, he thought that they both were getting engrossed in the scene’s intensity, that he would have to commend said production assistant for his excellent acting. But when he saw the concerned expressions on everyone’s faces, he immediately sprinted to wherever Shinwon might have run off to, hoping to understand a bit more about whatever the hell just happened.

“Hey,” Hyunggu called out backstage, spotting a figure sitting at one of the makeup mirrors. “Hey, lights guy, what happened back there?”

 _Lights guy_ looked up at him like he was the most disgusting thing in the world, and Hyunggu wasn’t used to it, if he was being honest. But he decided to be patient this time, seeing as whatever transpired apparently bothered the other man so much that he was sobbing alone in a makeup chair at 4-something in the morning. Hyunggu chose his next words carefully, taking the seat next to him.

“Hey. Please tell me what happened. I’m listening.”

Shinwon gave him a softer look this time, before directing his gaze back into his reflection in the mirror. “Don’t worry. It’s stupid.”

Hyunggu resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “If it’s bothering you, it’s not stupid.”

A beat of silence followed, before Shinwon eventually sighed into his hands and addressed him coldly. “You made me feel like shit.”

Hyunggu looked down at his hands in his lap, wondering what to say to that. He felt bad, sure, but all he did was read off a scriptーand that was his _job_ , wasn’t it? 

“Lines hit too close to home?”

“I mean, I guess.”

“It was a script, you know.”

“It’s notー” Shinwon furrowed his brow, looking at him with hurt in his eyes. “Is this your idea of an apology?”

“I’m sorry, okay? Even if they were _just_ lines from a script, and I wasn’t even saying them to _you,_ I’m sorry. I really am.”

“Just forget it, Hyunggu.”

“What do you want from me?” Hyunggu said, whining a little. “I said I was sorry, I know I got carried awayー”

“It’s fine. You don’t know me, Hyunggu. I know you don’t see me unless you need something from me. You don’t even know my name.”

“I see you,” Hyunggu said, a weird feeling in his chest from knowing that _that_ was how Shinwon thought of him. “You’re always the one shining the spotlight on me. That’s why I call you the _lights guy_. Because _I see you_. I see you, Shinwon.”

Shinwon’s eyes widened the slightest bit when he heard Hyunggu say his name. 

“Doesn’t mean you know me.”

Shinwon didn’t seem like he wanted to relent, and Hyunggu honestly didn’t know how much more pushing and pulling he could do with this man so early in the morning. 

“I’d like to.”

But Hyunggu put his own pride aside for a second, allowing a bit of patience just for now. Whether or not he did anything wrong, he _did_ hurt Shinwon. And he didn’t like seeing him hurt, because this was cheery, charming, people-pleaser Shinwon, Shinwon who always made sure Hyunggu never left the spotlight, Shinwon who walked him to his car under an umbrella that one night when it was raining although he probably didn’t even know or remember it was him, or that _that_ was when Shinwon had given Hyunggu his name. And maybe he’d like to get to know Shinwon when they weren’t on opposite sides of the spotlight.

“I’m sorry, Shinwon. I really am,” Hyunggu said, much more sincere than earlier. “Let me make it up to you, please?”

Shinwon seemed hesitant, but nodded slowly. “Fine. You’re buying me lunch later.”

Hyunggu laughed, shaking his head lightheartedly. “Deal.” He flashed Shinwon his kindest smile, and he was delighted when Shinwon returned one just as warm.

They returned to their posts when Hongseok finally arrived, 30 minutes late with an iced coffee in hand. Hyunggu directed an exaggerated eyeroll to his newfound friend behind the scenes, causing Shinwon to laugh softly.

“You’re quite a mystery, Kang Hyunggu,” Shinwon muttered to himself, before shifting the spotlights like he always did. 

This time he knewーeven amidst the blinding lightsーthat Hyunggu was looking at him too.

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/violetholdsme?s=20) cc pls go easy on me


End file.
